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As 2020 begins to wind down, many are looking toward the Holiday season to bring in a much needed cheer in the world. But for all too many, approaching Holidays means dealing with loss again, or due to 2020, for the very first time.

Grief looks different this year. It may not only be due to loss of a human close to your heart, grief now abounds in the form of loneliness, separation, social anxiety, and mourning for an older sense of ‘normal.’

As with any occasion that makes you think of togetherness, this upcoming season can be a time of deep contemplation and revisiting the ever fluctuating stages of grief.

If you are experiencing grief this time of year, or any time of year, you are not alone. And while your grief may manifest differently throughout the impending season, know that your feelings are real, valid, and here to be felt.

When you, or your children, encounter moments when it feels too strong to bear, here are some helpful ways to allow yourself to feel while gently encouraging yourself to continue to make a connection with those you have lost and love the most:

1. Write a letter – write a letter to your loved one who has passed. Take your time to share your emotions or perhaps focus on writing about a memory you cherish dearly. Then, bury the letter in a spot that is special to you and your deceased loved one.
2. Save a spot at the table – light a candle, place a photo, and acknowledge that your loved ones presence is with you on the night’s that you need them the most. Keep up with the traditions, the special recipes, and the fancy dishware that may have meant the world to your customs and culture, if it feels manageable at the time.
3. Move your body – energy needs to be moved in order to be processed, and so do you. You are entitled to feel sad. To help yourself feel better, go outside in nature. Head for a hike, walk on the sand, or go for a jog in a park. Stagnant energy stays stagnant. Moving energy allows for shifts.
4. Make a special plan – have something that you always loved to do with the departed? Plan a special date to keep up with the tradition and ask yourself; ‘how would they want me to feel in this moment?’
5. Put out a memory box – a special box, stocking, or traditional memento that will be a place for all to share their special memories for the departed.
6. Communicate your needs – Maybe there are traditions you’d love to keep and others you can’t bear to face. Perhaps you’ll be spending the holidays differently this year or creating a brand new tradition to move forward with! Whatever you decide is best for you, make certain to share your truth with the people who share the holidays, and the grief with. And remember: everyone grieves differently. No one has to understand but you.

Perhaps you are already busy and you are finding that more and more you are distracted by your grief; it keeps you on the couch or pins you to the bed despite all the work you have to get done.

If this is the case, take time to feel your feelings. Be honest with yourself and with those who depend on you.

When it feels right, you can visualize yourself placing overwhelming thoughts on a shelf momentarily. This may allow you the space to work toward your goals with work, home, and additional responsibilities, knowing that you can come back to your feelings and space on the shelf, when you are ready to be done.

Grief is not linear. There is no one road that leads to processing it faster, more quickly, or with ease. In fact, if you do, you may miss out on valuable healing that awaits.

Feelings are here for you to be felt. Sadness, as overwhelming as it feels at times, is a reminder that love once existed in it’s space.

If this year has shown you anything, it’s that you matter, your feelings matter, and health is the most valuable resource on the planet.

Are you experiencing grief this time of year? InnerClarity offers guidance in working with your grief so that you can find moments of joy as you learn to navigate the intensity of your emotions. You don’t have to go through it alone. Schedule a consultation today.

The last two months have been extraordinary and trying times for many of us.  Among the many social media posts on the topic of COVID-19, there was an especially profound metaphor for the current situation we find ourselves in.  In it, the author (attributed to Damian Barr) stated “We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.” This imagery creates the idea that we’re all in rough seas, but the tools we have at our disposal can vary greatly.  Some may be in life rafts while others are on super yachts. The seasickness may be real for us all, but some are coping well while others are struggling to survive. This poem speaks empathetic ally and passionately about being there for each other, and seeing other points of view, through incredibly challenging times.

So how do we support each other? How do we truly listen? How do we take care of our families? How do we take care of ourselves? Here are a few tips we’ve devised over the last two months living under a ‘new normal’:

1)  Reach out to family and friends:

In a time when we cannot be the social beings that we’re accustomed to being, seeing and spending time with family and friends in person, we need to now look to other means, other approaches to be connected.  Fortunately, we live in an age of incredible technology and communication.  The internet, the smartphone, and the software available to us enables us to connect virtually to those we love, and to seek help from our homes when we need it.  Whether it be FaceTime, Zoom (now free for personal use), Teams, Hangouts, Webex, Facebook, text message, or the old fashioned phone call, we can connect when we want to.  It may not be ideal, but make an effort to reach out.  Do you have a friend who lives alone? Perhaps a cousin working in a hospital caring for sick patients? Check in with them.  Set a routine and follow up every few days, even if only for a few minutes.  In the process you’ll help their mental well-being as well as yours.

2)  Recognize that which you can change, and that which you cannot:

Stay-at-home orders.  Small business closures.  Unemployment over 20M people.  These are real, challenging, negative outcomes of approaches to fight a dangerous virus.  We all need to adapt to the reality of the current situation.  But there are things we can do to cope.  First, start with a reflection of what is most important to you.  Did you love going out to eat, or miss going for your daily workout with your personal trainer?  In the future, we’ll get back to those routines.  In the meantime, look for alternatives to the routines you once had.  Perhaps ask Alexa for a new recipe to cook, or challenge your house-mates to a workout competition running the stairs or across your backyard.  If you have little ones like I do, turn them into living, breathing workout weights!

Second, reflect not on what you’ve lost, but what you’ve gained.  Were you putting off that home improvement project? Did you have a book you wanted to read that was collecting dust? Or maybe you felt you weren’t spending enough time with your family members?  Now’s the time to take advantage of the new schedule and routine and put that time to good use.  Sometimes when a door closes, even for a little while, a few windows do open.

3)  If you’re anxious, depressed, lonely, or in need, seek professional help:

Sometimes, we need support to get through challenges and navigate the emotions we’re feeling.  That’s healthy and normal.  We recommend asking yourself a few questions to determine if you should seek professional support.  And if in doubt, reach out.

• Am I more worried about health, money, my future, or life in general than I used to be?
• Do I find myself more sad, more tired, or lacking motivation than before covid?
• Am I looking for tools and techniques to cope?
• Do I want someone to listen to me, to hear my fears and concerns, and help prepare approaches to help me though this time?

At Inner Clarity, we are here to help.  We put our clients first, and will discuss your presenting conditions with you before determining an appropriate path forward.  We work to match you with the right therapist for you, and take a mindful approach to treatment.  We assess outcomes and work within the standards of our profession to bring you results. We believe in living A Clear Mind for a Healthy Life.

For more information, see our services here, or get started by contacting our team today.

Together, we strive to “Find your Inner Clarity.”